My weight loss journey so far (size 20 - size 14)

Let's talk about weight loss, shall we? I apologise for the quality of the comparison photos in this post, the majority of them were taken on my phone and I couldn't really find any full body images between then and now!

I was at my heaviest (15.7 stone) in 2014 and I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin, I wasn't confident at all in my appearance and it really affected my view on myself. I'm by no means saying that if you're plus size you're an unhappy person or should be, you should be body positive regardless of your size, but that's something I really struggled with. If a friend or family member mentioned my weight to me, 99% of the time I would get upset to the point of tears, which then meant I would comfort eat and I found it really hard to break the cycle of using food for comfort, I remember always thinking that I was the "fat friend" in my friendship group and that people saw me differently because of my weight.

(left: October 2014, Right: July 2015)

(Left: July 2014, Right: August 2015)

Around September 2014 I was a size 20 and at my heaviest due to an unhealthy lifestyle of no exercise and plenty of takeaways. By May 2015 I went down a size to an 18 and that was when I really decided that I needed a boot up the backside and to lose some weight. I shifted the majority of my weight from going to the gym regularly and cutting my portion sizes down, I wasn't on a diet by any means, I just wasn't eating as much takeaway or chocolate and substituting some foods for healthier options.

One thing that has stuck with me during this weight loss journey is how my body actually feels, I found that my sex life was unpleasant (I apologise if this is too much information) because I remember I used to lay down and the feel of the celulite/fat bulging at the sides of my legs would make me so self conscious of my body image that the thought of someone else seeing me naked repulsed me. It wasn't just the look of this, but the feel of my body... it's hard to describe but I felt as if my legs were tight and restricted due to the size of them, since losing weight I no longer have that feeling in my legs which makes me so, so happy.

(August 2015)

I'm now 13.1 stone and a size 14 and I feel so much more positive about my body image, I can't say that i'm completely happy with how my body looks, but when comparing how I look and feel right now compared to last year, I couldn't be happier. I find it so rewarding buying new clothes in a smaller size and I have cleared out my wardrobe of any size 20 clothing, hurrah! I have 2.1 more stone to lose until i'm at my goal weight, maybe I will do more weight loss posts in the future following my journey to keep my motivated. If anyone has any tips or words of wisdom to help, please feel free to share, i'd love to hear what you have to say!

Kiko clics eyeshadow palette (customisable palettes)

Kiko infinity eyeshadow - £5.90 (currently £2.70)

Kiko clics palettes - Varied/ 3 Clics £3.90 (currently £2.50)

I know I probably should have taken a picture of this palette before I used it but temptation got the better of me and I couldn't resist delving into it. The Kiko clics palettes are customisable palettes that fit the infinity eyeshadows, the palettes are available in one, three, four, nine and twenty four pan compartments and are sold separately to the eyeshadows. The eyeshadows are repositionable and once they're inserted into the palette they aren't permanently fixed there which I think is pretty dandy, especially if you had a large collection of the eyeshadows and wanted to take certain ones away travelling in a smaller palette.

I purchased the 3 pan palette and decided to choose a variety of warm toned eyeshadows, the shades I picked are 220 Metallic golden rose which is a light beige pink with a golden shimmer running through it, 211 Metallic copper which is a shimmery warm, red toned copper and 217 Satin ebony which is a medium matte brown shade. Metallic golden rose reminds me of a more amped up version of mac all that glitters eyeshadow which i'm running dangerously low on, so I thought I would check out Kiko as a cheaper alternative and it hasn't disappointed me. All of the eyeshadows are highly pigmented and buttery smooth to apply even the matte brown shade satin ebony, it's common in other brands of eyeshadow that a lot of matte shades are chalky and less pigmented but this shade is equal in quality in comparison to the other two shades I own.

The one gripe I have about these palettes is how bulky the packaging considering there's no mirror included, the lid has a satisfying clicking sound when it shuts (don't you just love it when packaging does that?) but the packaging would be so much more ideal if the lid was as slim as the base of the packaging.

Kiko currently has 52% off their eyeshadows so they have dropped from £5.90 each to just £2.80 which is a complete bargain in my opinion, I'm debating creating another palette because the eyeshadows are such high quality at a bargain price. Kiko also have 20% off until the 10th of March!

Surviving a breakup

I've been toying with the idea of writing this post for quite a while, but it's only recently i've really felt like myself and can honestly say... i'm happy again and I feel like I can talk about this openly. I was in a relationship for 5 years. I met who I assumed was the love of my life when I was 15 and we grew up through our teenage years together and become unbelievably close, we lived together for several years and had everything planned out. That relationship ended in October 2014 and one month later he was seeing someone else...

If I thought the actual breakup caused me enough heartbreak then I was wrong, that topped me over the edge. I couldn't comprehend how someone could move on from a 5 year relationship to another one so quickly? I understand now that certain people walk into your life and make an impact and that's what she did to him, the pull was there and they went along for the ride. Although that didn't make it hurt any less, there's only so much you can take before you essentially snap. One of the toughest parts of my breakup was when I started to wonder what was wrong with me and what our relationship was worth if it was so easy to move on from, was I a bad person? did I do something wrong? self doubt started flooding in...

 For me personally, one of the hardest parts was talking about it and accepting what happened. Although I found that talking to certain people helped the situation... others didn't, two of my closest friends are what got me through the breakup and I can't thank them enough for talking to me countless times when I just needed comforting, the difficult part for me was when colleagues I work with, or people I didn't really speak to started talking to me and sending me messages asking for details and that's when it all became too much. I found having to repeatedly tell the story of what happened to people and having to relive the experience was just making me more upset...

I feel that going through this experience has changed me as a person, I was always told that there's only so many times that you can get hurt before you put a barrier up and become emotionally numb to what's going on and it's completely true as that happened to me. I always thought that i'll never become that person who essentially switches their emotions off but I become so worn down and emotionally drained from the whole situation that I eventually thought fuck it all....

As he was my first 'real' boyfriend this is pretty much the first time I have ever been single, so this has been my first breakup experience, one minute I felt like a strong, independent woman who could do whatever the fuck she wants and then I was blubbering into my pillow watching gossip girl with a pot of ben and jerrys. I've done stupid things like getting horrendously drunk at our work christmas party that she was working and ended up crying and puking to screaming every curse word under the sun at him down the phone another day, not my finest moments. There has been a lot of tears, junk food consumed, a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings, one minute i'll be upset and then the next...

But I can honestly say... it gets better and as cheesy as it sounds, time does help heal. It's been nearly 5 months and I can finally say that I'm happy again. Having this time to myself without thinking about him and being able spend time with myself has taught me that it is possible to come out from a breakup stronger. I don't find myself over thinking and getting upset at 1am anymore, or waking up and wondering what he's up to. One day I woke up and it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted and I felt different in myself. We're still very close friends and that won't change, it's hard to cut someone who has been such a huge part of your life out of it especially when they understand you like no one else ever has before. 

The main points I really wanted to get across in this post is that only YOU can allow yourself to move forward. YOU can say to other people that it's not something that you want to talk about anymore, because it's finished. YOU can do what you want, when you want. Surrounding yourself with the company of positive, honest friends will make a huge difference, as it will help you feel less alone and will fill the void of the person who's no longer there.  Moving on takes time, but you will get there eventually. I have. 

My favourite fuss-free lip products

Clarins instant light natural lip perfector '02 apricot shimmer' - £18

Clarins instant light lip balm perfector '03 my pink' - £18

YSL Volupte tint-in-oil 'I rose you' - £23.50

Tanya Burr lipgloss 'Chic' - £6.99

Recently I've become a fan of almost glossy nudes, easy to wear and fuss free products. I'm not a fan of lip products that require a lot of work, I like being able to chuck something on and not have to worry about it getting on my teeth or smudging everywhere. Ladies, i'm sure you'll understand that It's also nice to be able to eat something and not have to do that awkward eating without the fork touching your lips malarky.

The clarins instant light natural lip perfector in apricot shimmer was the first product that got me on board with lip gloss, it's non sticky and makes my lips look absolutely perfect and line free. it glides on with the niftiest doe foot applicator which feels lovely and gives my lips a light wash of colour. It's also the best smelling lip product I have ever smelt, if you haven't smelt it before I highly suggest you go to your local clarins counter and give it a whiff... it smells like beautiful vanilla-y goodness, yummy.

Next up is the Clarins instant light lip balm perfector in my pink, just to let you know this smells exactly the same as the natural lip perfector, amazing! I purchased the shade my pink because the colour works with the PH levels on your lips to create your perfect pink lip shade which I thought sounded pretty damn amazing. This product is a tinted lip balm and it makes my lips feel extremely soft and plump, because it's a lip balm it's comfortable to wear and I don't even have to get out a mirror to apply this, it's one of those chuck on and go products that i'm a huge fan of.

I'll be honest, I have only had this product for a couple of days but i'm completely smitten with it. the YSL Volupte tint-in-oil in I rose you comes in the most gorgeous, sleek packaging which I feel really fancy getting out of my bag and applying. When I first saw the bright, neon pink colour on the applicator I was shocked, there was no chance in hell that was going to look good on me. Once applied, it's a sheer tint of colour that completely smoothes out your lips and makes them look healthy and plump. Because the product is an oil I have found it's the most comfortable lip product I have ever used and my lips feel very nourished whenever I apply this! If there's one lip product that you plan on splurging on this month then I would say it has to be this, I'm 100% in love with it and I already have my eye on a couple of more shades.

My go to nude lip is the Tanya Burr lipgloss in chic, the other three options in this post are more on the pink spectrum but this is my perfect nude shade. The formula is non-sticky which I think is hard to find in a lip gloss and feels comfortable to wear, usually with lip glosses I want to wipe them off the second I apply them to my lips but I don't feel that way about this product. Although the colour is opaque my favourite way to apply it is by smoothing the product on my lips with the applicator and then sheering it out slightly with my finger and i'm good to go. I'm a big fan of good smelling lip products and this one definitely smells amazing, It smells like strawberry milkshake cupcakes. 

Dear Santa, this christmas I would like...

As a beauty fanatic you can imagine that my beauty-to-buy list is certainly extortionate, so I thought I would narrow down a few gifts that aren't too expensive that I would absolutely love to wake up to under the christmas tree! There are other gifts that I would die for such as a naked 1 palette or Apple TV but these are the 'little' things that stood out to me this christmas!

Lorac pro palette // TheBalm Auto balm California face palette // Nars digital world lip pencil coffret // Vans authentic black mono // The body shop coconut ultimate luxuries // The body shop vanilla brule eau de toilette

What's your on your christmas list this year?

The library of fragrance 'sex on the beach' perfume.

The library of fragrance 'sex on the beach' perfume - £15

Whilst scrolling through twitter I saw someone tweet a picture of a library of fragrance perfume and was interested as it was simply named 'peach', a perfume with a single scent? to some that may sound boring but It got me interested. The library of fragrance's aim is to capture the scents that surround us everyday, and because their perfumes are focused around a single scent it means that they're easy to layer and to create your own scent by mixing the perfumes together! There are 101 different fragrances which are available in the UK from the library of fragrance website but 28 of their scents are sold in boots stores across the country, a lot of the scents sound delicious but they do have some odd ones such as pizza, dirt and play doh, I'm not sure why anyone would want to smell like any of those but they're interesting non the least! 

I picked up the 'sex on the beach' option and it's the most sickly sweet amazing perfume I have ever had the pleasure of smelling, It's described as an iced and inviting combination of Vodka, unsweetened Pineapple Juice, a touch of Raspberry liquor, a hint of Melon liquor and a splash of Cranberry, and as odd as it sounds you can actually slightly smell the alcohol in it but not in a bad way, think of a beautiful frozen cocktail, yum! I have found that the perfume lingers for a couple of hours but really sticks to clothing which I'm all for as it means it lingers for a lot longer.

I think that these 30ml bottles are perfect for popping into your handbag and using to spruce yourself during the day. I especially like how simple the bottles are and clearly display the name on the front, very minimalistic which suits the brand perfectly with their single noted perfumes! These perfumes are currently on a 2 for £25 offer in boots which I didn't take advantage of when I went but I'm thinking about picking up 'peach' and 'vanilla ice cream' on my next trip to boots as they smell divine!

What perfume from their range stands out the most to you?

My 5 bad beauty habits

Applying body moisturiser is a step that I never used to skip, every time I got out of the shower I slavered myself in the stuff and then got into my pyjamas, but this year? not so much. In the summer applying a body lotion feels disgustingly sticky and I wasn't a fan and now that we're moving into the colder months I'm too cold to stand around waiting for my moisturiser to sink in, I just want to get straight into my pyjamas!

Cleaning my brushes is the bain of my life, I get a back ache standing over the sink and it's so time consuming, don't get me wrong I do wash my brushes but just not as often as I probably should... sorry if that's a little bit gross. I actually wanted to photograph my real techniques blush brush but it was dirty... coincidence, right?

Using toner, er I sort of can't remember the last time I actually used toner which is bad considering it's a step that can make a lot of difference to your skin! The main reason I haven't been using it is because I run out of cotton pads and couldn't be bothered to go buy some more...

Exfoliating my lips is something that i'm making more of an effort to do recently as my lips have been getting quite flakey, sorry I know that's gross but it happens to everyone! I have two of the lush lip scrips and i'm not even halfway through the first and i've had them since... december? they expire at the end of the year and I need to make my way through them before then!

I'm certain I'm going to have dry wrinkly hands when i'm old, using hand cream is something I forget to do all the time even when my hands are really dry, I use it once then forget about it and go back to it weeks later!

Do you have any bad beauty habits?